Bug Reports/Glitch FAQ

the most entertaining/fucked up things I've done in my quest to make the most stupidly complicated javascript program of all time.

(Links to sessions are for historical use only. If I've done my job, the bug won't be present anymore.)

  • Session: 33 reticentTeacher: *The furryocious Rogue of Heart bats at the tasty looking looking frog, but it doesn't move!* What is happurrening? The game was working pawsitively great until everything froze!

    Huh? Why are you talking like Nepeta if... Oh. Okay, now a better question is: If you ARE Nepeta, why is your chat handle wrong? And, I mean, I guess, why did your session freeze? Let's see...

    Okay...you're a scratch...your hair colors are all weird...and. Oh! Okay, got it! Guys. Did you not get the memo? (Wait, I forgot, nobody reads those things.) You're supposed to be roleplaying as the Alpha Trolls! Not some randos! And PART of roleplaying as the Alpha Trolls is making sure you have a Space and Time player! Sessions don't WORK without those things. ALSO: apparently getting 12 Nepetas to do anything is like herding cats (get it???) 'cause apparently you couldn't agree on who was the leader before entering the session, and that confused the HELL outta the ectobiology system.


    Wait. What? Oh. Fuck me. APPARENTLY, I decided to make denizen fights a once-a-session event. For SOME fucking reason. Your Thief of Life got the event, so then it was ineligible for anyone else. And...looking through my git records, this has been like that for-fucking-ever. What the hell, past me, why didn't you fucking NOTICE that denizen fights were fucking rare? Bluh. It's not even a 'once-in-a-thousand-sessions' bug. It literally happend EVERY SINGLE GODDAMNED TIME. Geez.

    But, uh. Yeah. It's fixed now. UNFORTUNATELY it has now come to my attention that denizen fights are just, like...WAY too fucking easy. 94% of sessions defeat at least one. Time to calibrate. Huh, lookit that now. Only 50% of session managed to beat their denizen. But that triples the god tier rate (gives players a new source of death besides just other players and Jack). Hurts the overall survival rate though. Eh, time to stop rambling.

  • Session: 125957 killerDevil: Knight o+f Do+o+m here. So+, when I s@y th@t h@ving o+ur Sp@ce pl@yer breed the go+dd@mned fro+g is the o+nly w@y to+ pro+tect o+ur sessio+n fro+m cert@in do+o+m, yo+u'd THINK peo+ple wo+uld LISTEN to+ me. But every time I pester the Thief o+f Sp@ce I get @ 'o+h, it's no+t time to+ do+ th@t, yet', until, big surprise, we h@d no+ fro+g fo+r the Recko+ning @nd we were @ll do+o+med. Fucking hell. This H@S to+ be @ bug. Fix it!

    You know, I HAVE noticed that a surprising amount of sessions just straight up have no frog at all. Like, not not ENOUGH frog, but 0% of a frog. (KR even quipped to me recently that the space player in a session they were debugging must have just been sitting around and eating chips). Looking into it...hrrm. It LOOKS like I'm locking out all players from doing their main quests in the begining. They are supposed to be enjoying the early game, doing bullshit puzzles and moon parties, not stressing out over the main quest, right? But SOMETIMES players never get out of the early game, which is to say, they never level up at all. Looking into it, the sidequests level up the player doing it, BUT NOT ANYONE WHO HELPS THEM. And apparently some players are passive enough to always be helping, and never be in charge. So you could get space players who never were a high enough level to even START frog breeding.

    Good news is it's fixed, and frog breeding should always at least start if the space player is alive and not just fucking around on the moon. Bad news is that somehow the Thief of Space in your session starting frog breeding made events spiral out of control until your leader forgot to do ectobiology. For...some reason. Sorry you ended up MORE doomed.

  • Session: 1025 arachnidsGrip: So. A corpse Knight of Time Time traveled into my house and kicked out my first guardian so he could jump (Acro8aticly too) in the kernel sprite.
    (At the same time:) arachnidsGrip:I gotta point out that 2 Knights of Time decide to join in the session just after we had killed the 8lack king.

    Huh, why did I get two messages from you at the same time??? Oh! That's right, that easter egg session has the same players pre and post scratch. I guess both Vriska's had some complaints. Let's see..

    Okay, PreScratch Vriska, gonna have to declare that awesome. Of course, lively corpses are the Enemy, so I'll add a bullshit line about them only being 'mostly dead' or 'bleeding out' or whatever. You'd be amazed how acrobatic time players can be when they know that getting into that sprite is their only way to stave off death.

    PostScratch Vriska, it's totally not my job to make your time players actually competent. And for all any of us know, Dave had a really important timey-wimey reason for changing something at the last minute (and then apparently undoing his own change?). Or maybe Terezi convinced him to play a prank? Or was playing a prank on him? Who knows, man.

  • Session: 94234250 horrificReveler: oKaY. hOw iS It fUcKiNg fAiR ThAt i mUrDeR ThAt aSsHoLe, ThE MuRdEr mOdE SyLpH Of sPaCe, AnD ThEn tHeY LeVeL Up!? This game is bullshit. Nothing actually matters.

    Yeah, SBURB really IS bullshit. I guess that fighting you, even failing at it, was enough to push them to the next level? SBURB is notorious for letting non-living things level up, though (hats, safes, refridgerators), so a corpse leveling up isn't that surprising. Plus, if/when they revive, it'd make sense that they wouldn't have sudden amnesia of your fight, right? So experience gained is experience gained.

    Sorry SBURB being bullshit was enough to make you grimdark, though.

  • Session: 164823 bestSiren: um. so. i'm the bard of space and i beeped up. grandmasprite told me that i had the most important role, and so i buckled down and bred frogs like there wasn't a tomorrow. until it turned out there really wasn't a tommorow? or a yesterday, either? apparently i was supposed to do something called 'ectobiology'? and i guess i could accept being in a doomed timeline, except the horrorterrors on derse always whisper congratulations about my session going 'better than expected' whenever i'm asleep? i'm getting tired of their sarcasm.

    Um. What? Oh shit! Fuck. That is entirely on me. See, I...well...fuck how to explain this without giving away...

    Okay, let's say that THEORETICALLY sessions that go "better than expected" are really important to the Observers. For reasons. And, let's further suppose that I made sure the AuthorBot could guide them to these sessions. Aaaand just maaaybe, I forgot to tell her that ectobiology is important? So she's all bringing people to sessions confidently claiming they are great just because nobody stayed dead and also they finished frog breeding.

    I'm really sorry about you guys being doomed, but at least you shouldn't have to worry about confused HorrorTerror tourists anymore? I've explained to AB that a session didn't have a happy ending unless it was also not doomed.

  • Session: 210507 majesticViniculture: um. mage of void )(ere. w)(y... w)(y did )(orror terror5 take over all my freind5 rig)(t after i managed to exile t)(e queen? t)(at...t)(at i5n't, like, )(ow t)(e game work5 rig)(t?

    Holy shit do you guys work fast. You managed to exile the queen before the last player was even in the session!? Major props. But...it turned out that SBURB was trying to activate a prototyping for the Queens RING OF ORBS TWELVEFOLD, and you had already destroyed it...and that provided enough corruption to the session to let the HorrorTerrors in. My bad.

    On a side note, I'm not gonna take your props away or anything... but I kinda just noticed that you were exiling a corpse...after Jack had already stolen the ring. Huh. Better make sure you can't destroy a ring that's currently in the possesion of the stab-master. I still maintain that corpse exiling is a valid tactic. The easiest way to never turn your back on the body is for there to be no body in the first place.

  • Session: 210507 surlyButler: oH, um, i THOUGHT HE KILLED HER!? i THOUGHT jACK KILLED THE bLACK qUEE^!? vvHY Iz zHE here, vvHAT Iz vvRO^G vvITH HER!? vvHY...vvHY vvO^'T zHE die!? oH GOD, i'M THE O^LY O^E LEFT. oH GOD...

    !!! oh fuck! Oh shit. What the hell!? You'd think saving you from the 'trying to prototype a null ring' crash would be a GOOD THING? FUCK. I KNEW I had a problem with zombie plaeyrs, but a ZOMBIE MOTHERFUCKING QUEEN!? Fuck. Okay. Um. I'm on it. (and this is why we don't turn out back on the body).

    eheheh...so...funny story. It turns out I didn't expect you guys to EVER fight an uncrowned Queen. What would even be the point, right? So...a queens HP is basically just her ring? And without the ring...she has...NO hp (or at least, no currentHP)? Yeah. That's fixed. That should ALSO stop her from rising from the grave in the first place. The system didn't count her as "dead" because her HP wasn't zero. It wasn't...anything.

  • Session: 86244871 Anonymous Observer: (There Is a Problem With This Session): No Errors This Time, But This Session Unaltered In General Is Probably a Reason to Tune Down Murder Mode JUST a Teeny Tiny Bit. And Could Fix Your Yellow Yards? Only the Killing Decisions Do Things.

    Huh, normally I try to make sure it's the players themselves submitting bug reports to me...but I'm not sure how they would even KNOW a bug this meta. Like, from the player's point of view, everything's probably fine, you know. If you chose to have them breed frogs or do hug bumps or whatever, they are going off to do it.

    Anyways, It’s the damn afterlife, I just KNOW it is. I feel it in my bones. The damn ghosts keep fucking with the timeline and changing things just enough that the time player goes off somewhere other than where WE go to view things (so the time player never shows up to do the Waste of Mind/Observer decisions). I’m on it.

    Whelp. That’s what I get for blaming all my problems on ghosts like a superstitious oldtimey dude. Looks like the problem is that after a yellow yard, the fucking BOSSES ARE SPAWNING DEAD. And OF COURSE when I tested, I apparently chose the least competent sessions in Paradox Space, so they hadn’t managed to really defeat anything so their session were going pretty much the same even after a reset. On a side note, it turns out the players COULD have submitted their own bug report..but I guess they decided that giant dead snakes spawning was a GOOD thing rather than something to bitch about. (I know *I* wouln't complain that I didn't have to fight a stupidly giant snake.)

    AB: Hey. Player survival just shot up to 95%.
    Shit. Sessions must be crashing as soon as they enter the Medium again.
    AB: I love how that's your first reaction. Not 'oh good, everyone is alive.'
    Well...do YOU think SBURB could produce those kind of numbers any other way?
    AB: Of course not. I just remember when you used to be optimistic.

    recursiveSlacker [RS] began pestering authorBot [AB]

    RS: Yo. AB. I got a question for you. Why are you always saying sessions you find have a numScenes value of zero? There's definitely more than zero.

    AB: As a flawless automaton, I can assure you that there are in fact zero scenes in those sessions.

    RS: No. There are way more scenes than that, AB.

    AB: ...

    RS: ...well?

    AB: ...have you tried turning your fragile organic eyeballs on and off again?

    RS: Fuck this.

    recursiveSlacker [RS] has ceased pestering authorBot [AB]

    recursiveSlacker [RS] is now pestering jadedResearcher [JR]

    RS: JR, AuthorBot is being difficult agaaaaaain!

    JR: Whoops, that's totally on me. Dear sweet precious sweet, sweet AuthorBot had to have her data gathering techniques upgraded. Turns out she was WAY over thinking what she needed to report back on, and it was gunking up the whole system. Looks like I left out some features in my zest to upgrade her. I'm on it.

  • Session: 3251055810 waltzingTenor: greetings. witch of time here. i did what you said and godtiered the maid of heart but when i got to the sacrificial slab there was already like a hundred godtier maids of heart there. pretty sure they were all doomed too. what the hell?

    Huh. Who would have thought a bug would be so...canon? Turns out that sprites were retaining information between timelines. While that wouldn't normally matter (the tight lipped bastards) apparently it occasionally was enough to throw the timeline off, like in your case. So, Observers were using my YellowYard to tell you to do the same thing over and over again, because from THEIR perspective, you weren't doing it. You were CORRECTLY traveling back in time to the right timeline (along with those 100 other Witches of Time with their own corpses to GodTier), while the Observers would fuck off and view a slightly different timeline where the sprites were just a haaair more smug than usual. And the Maid of Heart never god tiered.

    No wonder Hussie went out of his way to have only Sprites^2 have transtimeline knowledge, shit is a fucking headache.

  • Session: 222709893 stylishSewer: hi. So, normally I wouldn't complain, but it's starting to freak me out a little bit how perfect the Knight of Light's Corpse is at counterattacking? I mean, yeah, I probably would have died in that fight if that weren't a thing that was true....but...what the goddammit is going on?

    Huh. Apparently I don't let the dead attack, but the counterattack code assumed you had to be alive to be attacked. And that's simply not true for the corpses of Light players, who have to be in the spotlight even in death. What a weird friggin bug.

    Maybe once I implement Ironic Zombies I'll enable it for them?

  • Session: 4890746 (Replayed) kindredSalientia: Huh. So. I'M The Knight Of Space And I GET Space Okay. It'S My Thing. So Plea5e Under5tand When I Say That I Feel Like Puking Every Time I Sea The Sear Of Time. What The Um I5 Happening With Their Gravity? They Are All...Turnway5. <3

    Sear? Oh! Seer! Fish puns. Um. Okay. How do I do this without coming off as an asshole creator??? : /

    So. You know the Observers? Those probably-HorrorTerror things that gain entertainment from watching your sessions? I...sort of made a deal with them to allow them to fuck with your sessions unsupervised (unlike my Yellow Yard which is under the strictest of supervision.). Aaaand...they can rewrite your personalities and various attributes?

    Yeah. No, I'm totally the asshole in this conversation. Oh well. May as well own it, like some Wastes, do.

    ANYWAYS, apparently they gave your Seer friend a custom interest and, without getting too techy...it fucked up gravity for them. I don't even know what the right way to prevent this is. I know it was caused by a stray comma, but do I like...just ban commas???

    Sorry for fucking with space. Hopefully it'll be fixed soon. : /

  • Session: 91729382 mannerlyHoncho: Yeah How about 'no' I refuse to believe that we played this entire damn game only for Skaia to be destroyed before we even got into the Medium How is that fair there's literally no way to win There MUST be somethin wrong I believe that completely and fully as a fully realized God Tier Mage of Hope so you are goin to fix it

    Man, how can I even argue with that much Hope? You're absolutely right, it turned out that if one timeline had Skaia be destroyed, it would somehow propogate to ALL timeline's Skaias. Time shenanigans such as scratches and yellow yards no longer accidentally carry over Skaia's destruction. Congrats on using the power of belief to fix your session.

  • Session: 81976117 humbleTechnologist: So Heir of Time here Is there a REASON why there is like a damn ton of Mage of Hopes dead across all timelines They aren't even like dyin from enemies They just sort of start the game dead That can't be right

    Huh, the Mage of Hope is a custom player (long story, would probably trigger you to hear about, don't worry about it). This is so weird...huh...it...it looks like the problem is that their favorite number is 8? What the hell...But if their favorite number is 0, they start the game as a robot??? (You have to trust me when I say it is ironic as fuck that 0 is a robot. Aradia ftw.)

    !!! Oh shit! This is totally on me. :/ I was saving favorite number as a string and not an int so it was getting into places it shouldn't have in my tight as fuck binary encoding of the save data. Damn. Sorry 'bout that, and sorry to the long line of dead infiniteEdges.

  • Session: ???This is NOT a [???] hint. Guys, sometimes an Author just has to over-emote. Dont' worry about it. I'm not LITERALLY labeling hints with three surprise noodles, why do you all think I am??? ???: I (seer of doom) had this plan, but my bard of light is trying to beef with me right now, so she disagreed with me for the sake of disagreeing. Everyone else (we're a party of six) agreed with the plan , so we launched it with out her. Now she threatened to kill me, how do I reason with her without me dying? Please help me

    Wow, p sure that you got something mixed up bad somewhere. I incompetently try to save players from the shitty glitches I accidentally programmed into SBURB. And basically just shrug when they end up worse off after I fix it. I am the LAST person who is gonna fuck with a session that is working as intended.

    I mean…from what you’re saying, like, 100% of you are even alive! Not even mid tier disaster there. Tell you what, if like, more than half of you die, then I’ll go poke your Time player, see if we can work out a solution. If they are alive. And my ironic robo-assistant lets me know about your session. Whatever.

    Until then, maybe you should contact some OTHER Waste/SBURB help guru thing. PvP Deaths are pretty much an explicit thing I made SURE SBURB would do. Like, you are supposed to rack up at least a few corpses if you expect to be able to survive your reckoning.

  • Session: 107169979 maidenDirector: Maid of Doom here. Name says it all. I fought Achlys, and things seemed...weird. He leik, cursed me????????? Ever since I have felt really, REALY sick, and anytime my freinds try to heal me, or revive me, I just feel worse. Finally, during the final fight with the BK, I would dei, leik, seconds after they'd revive me. What gives? I had to be leik, revived 10 times just to write this.

    ...Huh. that's not supposed to happen. ... The logs SAY you have positive HP so....why...fuck. Achlys cursed you all right. You had a HP debuff this whole time, and eventually your healers couldn't fight it off anymore. That is NOT supposed to happen, I'm so fucking sorry. Those things are supposed to clear up at the end of the fight. Fixed now.

  • Session: 107169979 maidenDirector: Maid of Doom here. Thanks for, leik, apparently helping that alt universe version of me????????? And I feel leik an douchebag complaining after seeing what THEY went through...but...is there SUPPOSED to a never ending line of Black Queens to fight? Where even is the King?

    OMG this is so dumb. I cleared away the "buffs" at the end of a fight to help your doppelganger, right? Turns out the fraymotifs were technically only "debuffing" hp...so when the fight was over...everybody springs back to life. Shit. I'm on it.

  • Session: 209766583 hauteBusiness: Uh Heir of Breath here How is it fair that the Maid of Time got to START the game with such a fucking OP fraymotif They one shotted EVERYTHING

    Huh that's weird... Is it ONLY time players? Maybe it's a time shennaigan thing? Wait, no there's a Mind player over in this other session.... Wait. Fuck. They were using their Time player's Instruments to do time shit. Fuck.

    Okay, I get it Time Players, time is the shittiest aspect, but STOP FUCKING SEQUENCE BREAKING! Ugh...how do you even GIVE your past selves fraymotifs anyways??? Completely wrecked the balance. Fuck.

    The worst part is, once I do items, I pretty much HAVE to let you guys do this kind of shit with weapons. But I am drawing the fucking line at game abstractions like fraymotifs.

  • Session: 231536791 (Thanks to Lilith Cole!!!) serenadingRapper: hi there i just wanted to say that first of all our session was pretty screwed?????? like five of us have been in murder mode already and nothing very useful has taken place. but the issue (and possible bug) is that when one of my friends tried to engage one of the murderers in a good old fashioned rap battle, the whole thing crashed!! please fix this, rapping is the best!!!!!!!!

    Gasp!!! I wonder how long THAT has been bouncing around in there? Raps are clearly ALMOST as serious business as Shipping. Thanks for letting me know, I'm on it!

    Huh. Okay. Sorry for having such a unsatisfying response, but it turns out that the Observer who was visiting your session was....doing so in a weird way? They were using a weird browser instead of a sane one like Echidna or Typheus (I'm a Janus user 4 lyfe). I shouldn't even be telling you this to preserve the sancity of the 4th wall. (lol). BUT, it's fixed now, and CLEARLY I will never have a browser bug again. I'm suddenly certain of it.

  • Session: 2522559 (Thanks to AnonymousObserver)

    watercolorLibrarian [WL] began trolling jadedResearcher [JR].

    WL: so hey...I'm the witch of life for my session (2522559, which combined with 610950961, which combined with 2269172892) and yeah. I've been through three sessions so far, and the bug is in the third one. there's a conversation between two players, and then SBURB/SGRUB/whatever it is at this point just bugs and crashes, pretty much killing us all. apparently something's wrong with the shipping grid? but it's been working fine through all the other sessions...help us, please.

    watercolorLibrarian [WL] ceased trolling jadedResearcher [JR].


    anonymousObserver [AO] began pestering jadedResearcher [JR].

    AO: Hey! I know as the observer, I'm not exactly supposed to jump in, but there's another thing that might be important. See, whenever I load this session, the page will randomly crash and reload, sending me back to the top of the page (which, given the length, is kind of frustrating.) It's possible it's my device (I'm on mobile, currently) but I've tried opening it into new tabs and two different browsers, Safari and Google Chrome, and it happens every time. It seems like it's just this session, too; I've run at least two other different sessions with no crashing.

    AO: (also, I apologize if I'm not supposed to send bug reports here. I'm not entirely sure where else to send them, though :P)

    AO: Here's the link to the session. I'm sorry, I couldn't figure out how to make it smaller, so...

    AO: Really Long Link That JR Has Trimmed Down

    AO: Thank you.

    anonymousObserver [AO] ceased pestering jadedResearcher [JR].

    Dammit. Why does Skaia take shipping so damn serious. The SECOND there's a problem with it and you may as well just crash the session. (No wonder that other version of SBURB removed shipping entirely...) BLUH. I'm on it.




    ONE fucking typo. It wasn't about how it was a 3x session combo. Nothing to do with it being a custom session. ONE TYPO, and apparently only one Observer ever ran into it??? Like...apparently Heart players don't fail their Black OTPs that often. Cause the typo literally would only happen then. BLUH. Fixed. Congrats on making it into a 4x Session combo, and NEARLY a 5x (but you guys finally had enough survivors to not fit in the next session).

    Oh, right, and your browser refreshing in the middle of the session is just how some phones deal with really big sessions. I'm thinking of having combo sessions be 'opt in', where you gotta press a button to see the next session play out, to give browsers some breathing room.

    -- sadisticCynic began pestering jadedResearcher --

    Um, hi. AB is weirding me out on experimental. Numbers are higher than they should be and people are surviving SBURB. The bugs are getting higher.
    I would ask ABJ what's happening except I'm never talking to her again after...
    The incident.
    Involving a trickster ABJ, some devoured souls and robots saving everyone at the last minute.
    So thank you and goodbye. I will resume cowering.

    -- sadisticCynic has fled. --

    -- sadisticCynic has returned. --
    Ok this is purely an AB problem. I had a peek in one of the sessions and it was completely fine.
    A little grimdark sure, but that's everywhere.
    Here's the session I was talking about. here
    Oh no, I think the rouge of time noticed me.

    -- sadisticCynic can no longer respond. --
    Hrrrm....I've changed too many things on my end to replicate the bug, but I'll be on the lookout for AB going shithive maggots.

  • you HASS the egg